Today’s Titillating Transfer Tosh

Literally no-one seems to think we’re going for Marcelo Brozovic of Inter Milan as yet.

A central midfielder who has found playing time hard to come by at times, he’s strong in the tackle, not easily dispossessed and, crucially, seems to be able to hit a long ball accurately.

With a pass accuracy of 87% and an average length of pass of 18m, he easily matches up to the more fêted Ivan Perisic, in fact he’s markedly better in both categories.

Don’t let the fact that there hasn’t been any noise about this one as yet be a distraction. You will all know by now that I have a direct line to DL’s butler Gladstone who, after years of loyal, discreet service has decided that his story simply must be told.  He’s really an actor, you see.  Anyway, I digress.  He assured me as he was pressing the boss’s cummerbund this morning that Mauricio and Daniel were discussing this enticing prospect only last night. Of course, Daniel said, as he always does: “Money’s no problem, Mauricio, please don’t bother me with the details. Here’s a SIGNED blank cheque. Just bring me a receipt, there’s a good chap.”

Unfortunately, Marcelo is off to the World Cup with Croatia, so expect this one to be announced on the THFC website in late July after he’s taken them to the finals with a series of stellar performances.

Good news is, the fee will have already been agreed this week so we’ll be getting him for relative peanuts.

Toodle pip, my handsome little soft-boiled sybarites. If Prince Charles was making his usual choice from 7, he’d pick you for sure.

Author: Flat Oeuf

A blog dedicated to aficionados of the chicken badge of Tottenham Hotspur FC, unashamedly revelling in the agony and ecstasy of every moment of every matter who finds themselves fortunate enough, in any given season, to be the stewards, manager or players of the best club in the world. COYFS!

  • Superspoz 🏆 10/06/2018 at 8:15 am

    • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 12:07 pm

      • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 12:08 pm

        Nasty. I’ll grab some sudocream.

  • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 8:39 am

    Firstly, I’d have to say those passing stats are most impressive. So, absolutely no idea of any fee for this guy?

  • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 8:49 am

    Secondly, his stats for last season are quite impressive; 4 goals and 9 assists in 21 games. Can shield the ball well, likes a through ball, strong, have to argue possible Dembele replacement…

    • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 8:55 am

      Agreed, McG. That was where I was thinking he could play, and certainly improve on Dembele in the mid- to long-range passing stakes.

      No idea of a fee, but Transfermarkt has him at £24m.

      • 61SpursNut 10/06/2018 at 9:32 am

        £36m it is then. Bargain.

        • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 9:37 am

          Is that the formula then? Add a half?

          • 61SpursNut 10/06/2018 at 10:07 am

            It’s as good a formula as I have seen thus far, and I’ve seen two already.

  • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 10:15 am

    I had to google him, so it’s a no from me, and a no from Danny.

    • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 10:58 am

      Danny needs to up his research a bit. Play a bit more FIFA perhaps.

  • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 10:30 am

    Could Dembele be going the other way?
    Wasnt there talk of Dembele to Inter a little while ago (or was that Barca?) I mean that was only 432 rumours ago.

  • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 10:35 am

    Just took a look at the clips. He looks exactly like the player we need to feel Dembeles boots,
    Good movement,forward moves,through balls,can tackle,quick,perfect for when we turn the ball around,can pass long.

    • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 10:52 am

      That was my thinking too, Ron. And not priced out of the market, neither.

    • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 10:58 am

      We don’t need a boot fetishist Ron.

      • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 11:14 am


        You’ve forgotten Jon. Gawd only knows how.

        • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:18 am

          What position does he play? On second thoughts, don’t answer that…

      • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 11:49 am

        Lord have mercy on your soles

  • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 10:51 am

    I have heard of the young man in question so googling wasn’t necessary. I look forward to his imminent arrival and would ask you to pass on my gratitude to Gladstone for the heads up.

    • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 10:56 am

      Gladstone is all-knowing and all-seeing, so is already aware of your appreciations and reciprocates them vociferously.

      • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 10:58 am

        Gladstone The Omnipotent.

        • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 11:50 am

          Sly and the Family Gladstone

  • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:16 am

    I’m not familiar with the outlet, nor the journalist but I suspect both are highly regarded by their peers. I believe this particular piece is worthy of the Pulitzer prize, and I shall be voting accordingly, I can only assume you chaps are moved as I was by this piece…

    • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 11:22 am

      Excellent work by Mr Nash, I shall be following his career with interest.

      • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:24 am

        My secondary school headmaster was Mr Nash.
        My primary school headmaster was Mr Palmer, who was then replaced by Mr Palmer. True story, and fascinating, I know.

        • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 11:27 am

          Keep em coming fofty. Pssst, you’ve lost your yellow cummerbund. I noticed but don’t think anyone else has.

          • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:29 am

            Let’s keep it between us, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.

            • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 11:34 am

              Got yer back mate.

        • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:27 am

          Why weren’t we aware of this sooner?

          • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:29 am

            Trust issues.

        • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:29 am

          The first name of either of your primary school heads wasn’t Willie by any chance, was it?

          • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:30 am

            🤣 no, they were both definitely Mr’s.

        • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:35 am

          The original Mr Palmer had a Scottie dog called Scottie, who would roam the school as if he owned it. The replacement Mr Palmer didn’t have a dog, as far as I am aware.
          More to follow…..

          • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:36 am

            Typical. Just when I thought the news of my sweepstake blog couldn’t be topped…

          • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 11:53 am

            This is a question from an IQ test in 1954

  • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:34 am

    Just a quick heads up to say that I’ll be hosting a live blog to cover the draw for the Flat Oeuf World Cup sweepstakes tomorrow, draw scheduled to take place at 11am.

    In an attempt to really get into the spirit of the thing I shall be endeavouring to make the draw a much more complicated affair than it really needs to be to maximise the potential risk of it all going horribly wrong.

    Put it in your diary as it’s not an event you’ll not be wanting to miss.

    • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:37 am

      Do we have an ex footballer to pick the balls?

      • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:38 am


    • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 11:39 am

      Superb, I’ve cleared my diary including my weekly pedicure. Exciting times!

    • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 11:40 am

      No chance of making it 6pm when most back from work? Also, can you screen it live via webcam?

      • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:47 am

        If an 11am kick off is good enough for the Ropey League draw it’s certainly good enough for you reprobates.

        Besides, I have a county bowls doubles match due to start at 6pm.

    • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:43 am

      Seeing as there are 8 of us (?), do we get 4 teams each?
      That’s on the assumption that Levy isn’t successful in his bid for a World Cup team franchise, making it a 33 team competition.

      • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:45 am

        How can he blow that gig?

      • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:45 am

        Oh, it’s far more complicated than that.


        And there’s twelve people taking part. I’ve added Big D into the mix as I know he’d be up for it if he knew of it, and I’ve also included Nilly seeing how much a fan he is of international football and the World cup in particular…

        • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:46 am

          So 2.6666666666666667 teams each.

          • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 11:47 am

            I’ll take 3 if it makes the draw easier.

          • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:48 am

            You’ll just have to wait and see. I’m really quite pleased with the format I’ve decided upon.

            • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 11:50 am

              This will need VAR to ensure there’s no blatant ball palming.

            • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 11:52 am

              Blowing his own trumpet to the tune of champions league but with ropey timing, don’t bode well…

              • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:53 am

                So, Panama it is for McG then…

                Anyone else care to have a pop?

                • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 11:55 am

                  I’ve known Unk for a while now and am confident his formula will be splendid….ly adequate.

                • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:55 am


                • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 11:57 am

                  This is why I wanted it screened live. Who’s picking your balls?

                  • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 12:00 pm

                    The lovely Samantha will be on ball-picking duties. Or Sven if she’s not available.

    • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 11:55 am

      Can I see what you are all doing first or are we all going to post at exactly the same time?

      • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 11:58 am

        She cannae take it, Captain!

      • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:58 am

        I have no idea how it’s going to pan out. I’m just going to run with it and see what happens.

        I shall not be conducting a trial run in order to maximise the potential cock-up value.

        • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 12:11 pm

          Is this the way you would manage your team?

          Very Harry Redknapp!!!

  • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:39 am

    Time for some Marmite toast.

    • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 11:41 am

      I’m going to make some scones.

      • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 11:46 am

        Bacon french stick for me, with lashings of ketchup.

        • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:47 am

          Ketchup smetchup

          • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 11:50 am

            Lashings of brown for you is it??!

            • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:51 am

              Of course.

            • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:53 am

              If it’s bacon, no sauce is required, sausages must have brown sauce, and a decent cuppa cannot be made with that Yorkshire muck.

              • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:54 am

                Indeed. Nothing but loose-leaf Assam tea will do.

                Kenyan at a pinch.

              • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 11:58 am

                Wots wrong with the Yorkshire muck, it’s my fav?

                • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:59 am

                  I rest my case me Lud..

                  • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 12:00 pm

                    .. dite?

          • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:51 am

            I won’t have ketchup in the house. Might just as well sprinkle sugar all over your chips.

            • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 11:53 am

              Keep your calm, sugar chips 😘

        • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 11:48 am

          Boiled eggs. What else?

          • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 11:49 am

            Eggs are good! Have to be runny tho..

            • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 11:51 am

              Depends how runny you mean. White cooked through, flowing yolk for me.

              • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 11:53 am

                That’ll do!

              • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:54 am

                Absobloodylutely. 👍

            • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 11:54 am

              Gemini, and I like to slurp it/bite it/slurp it/bite it.

              • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 12:00 pm

                Virgo, and I lik to move it, move it.

  • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 11:59 am

    I like my fried eggs a little burnt at the bottom,White firm and yoke running. You get this by a high heat for a short time then putting o pot top on the saucepan to make sure the white all gets dont before the yoke loses its liquidity.
    Thank you. This was brought for you today by Ronwol Fryups Inc

  • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 12:00 pm

    By the way, thanks for missing my birthday chaps. Harry made me feel special last year, I guess he values me more than you.

    • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 12:01 pm

      P*ss Orff

      • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 12:02 pm


    • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 12:02 pm

      Thanks for mentioning it yesterday you moron! Happy Birthday FOF!!!!!

      • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 12:03 pm

        Thanks Ron. It was Thursday, but you knew that.

        • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 12:05 pm

          You can have 2 birthdays in one week????

          • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 12:07 pm

            It’s based on an Ant year calendar.

            • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 12:08 pm

              Ant McPartlin? Blurred lines?

            • Ronwol1960-61🕎⚽🎷🎥 10/06/2018 at 12:10 pm

              did you go on a pub crawl?

              • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 12:16 pm

                More of a pub frame..

    • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 12:03 pm

      • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 12:06 pm


        • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 12:08 pm

          We’ll have none of that round here!

  • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 12:31 pm

    Right I’m off for a family function. Please, don’t.

    • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 12:38 pm

      That’s bizarre, I’m in need of a functional family.

  • HD 😜 10/06/2018 at 2:50 pm

    Hi Fat Oeufers, er Flat Oeufers. Sorry spelling doesn’t come easy out here in the Heartland.

    • Fat Bertha 10/06/2018 at 2:51 pm


    • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 2:52 pm

      Welcome HD, nice to see you, to see you nice!

      • HD 🤪 10/06/2018 at 2:58 pm

        Twice as nice to see you too.

    • ronwol196061 10/06/2018 at 3:15 pm

      The Seventh cavalry just showed up!!!
      Circle the food trucks!!!

      • HD 10/06/2018 at 3:19 pm

        HD is the name, Seventh Cav is the game. Well, Spurs too.

    • ronwol196061 10/06/2018 at 3:18 pm

      Its an oeufer you cant refuse!!

  • Fat Bertha 10/06/2018 at 2:50 pm

    In other news:- literally no-one is talking about Spurs signing Chris Parker. Who?! Exactly.

  • Fat Bertha 10/06/2018 at 2:53 pm

    Before I read the blog may I take this opportunity to wish FoF a very happy birthday for last wee? I may?! Well, happy birthday FoF.

    • Fat Bertha 10/06/2018 at 2:54 pm

      … and pooh … teehee.

    • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 4:34 pm

      Many fanks Bertha x

  • HD 🤪 10/06/2018 at 2:59 pm

    I missed a FoF Birthday. So ashamed. Happy belated FoFty.

    • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 3:53 pm

      Is that you Dawg??!?

  • Fat Bertha 10/06/2018 at 3:03 pm

    The lovely Samantha will be on ball-picking duties. Or Sven if she’s not available.

    I hope you’ve counted me oot!

  • Fat Bertha 10/06/2018 at 3:05 pm

    My secondary school headmaster was Mr Nash.
    My primary school headmaster was Mr Palmer, who was then replaced by Mr Palmer. True story, and fascinating, I know.

    One of my teachers was/is still called Mrs Thorburn – we called her Mrs Sorebum.

    • ronwol196061 10/06/2018 at 3:16 pm

      Fat just ate all the food from the food trucks!!!!

    • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 4:01 pm

      We had a dinner lady called Mrs Hicks who inadvertently helped us with our maffs.
      7 x 8 is 56, please remember Mrs Hicks.

      • Fat Bertha 10/06/2018 at 8:43 pm

        We had a similar thing with our home economics teacher, Mrs Gregson:

        Make sure your face does not get eggs on, please remember Mrs Gregson.

        • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 9:26 pm

          Always eat your fruit and veg, please remember Mrs Hedge.

  • ronwol196061 10/06/2018 at 3:17 pm

    Daughters here going for a bike ride!!!
    Later chaps..

    • HD 10/06/2018 at 3:20 pm

      Off to the golf course chaps. 🏌🏿‍♂️. See you later.

      • Fat Bertha 10/06/2018 at 3:27 pm

        Not if we see you first.

      • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 3:54 pm

        It is you!
        Happy golfin dude.

  • DAVID 10/06/2018 at 8:54 pm

    Just catching up on past few blogs, big welcome to HD.
    Big thanks to Unk for including me in the sweepstake, I’d like Brazil, Argentina and Germany if that’s not too much trouble.

    • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 9:13 pm

      Evening Big D, fraid I’ve already got them. You’ve got Panama, Saudi Arabia and Tunisia. It’s the taking part that’s the most important.

      • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 9:20 pm

        We’ve just done a family sweepstake. The split is 50% to the winner, 25% to 2nd place and 25% to the worst team. I got Saudi Arabia, so well chuffed.

        • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 9:23 pm

          Citizen Oeuf. : )

      • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 9:23 pm

        You think that’s bad, I got Italy, Holland and USA.

        • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 9:24 pm

          Ok, maybe it’s not the taking part that counts..

        • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 10/06/2018 at 9:25 pm

          I’d be asking for a stewards enquiry.

          • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 9:26 pm

            Where’s VAR when you need it?

  • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 9:48 pm

    Seems we’ve had a £70 mil bid in for Jugs. If true, I think that should be enough to do it. Wonder if we’ll get hold of martial??

    Btw Cas, that Boons arse is one of the grimmest things I’ve seen in quite a while!!!

    • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 9:53 pm

      That’s a stunning amount of money for a 29 year old centre back with 2 years left on his contract, who seemingly wants to leave. I’d rather we kept him, but if he wants out then it’s a no brainier. Rather it wasn’t Manure, but you can’t have everything.

      • McG ⚽⚽ 10/06/2018 at 10:10 pm

        Same here. Happy biddy for the other day btw!

        • foeorfreund 10/06/2018 at 10:11 pm

          Gee, thanks G.

    • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 9:57 pm

      There seems to be lots of bed wetting about it but the source is apparently iffy. People love a drama.

  • Superspoz 🏆 10/06/2018 at 10:19 pm

    Greetings to all. I’m absolutely smashed. LOOKED AFTER ALL OF MY THREE KIDS ON MY OWN TODAY . Can’t wait to go work tomorrow. Got to get two worktops up three flights of stairs, there’s a tank in the loft that needs to come out and I think the soil stack us fractured. Can’t wait, might even do overtime.

    • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 10:25 pm

      Haha, kids are hard work mate. DO NOT get a puppy as well, whatever you do.

      • Superspoz 🏆 10/06/2018 at 10:28 pm

        Bought one of them battery operated hamsters in a ball. That’s all they’re getting.

        • Flat Oeuf 10/06/2018 at 10:35 pm


        • ronwol196061 10/06/2018 at 10:44 pm

          How about 11 battery operated west hamsters and a ball….

  • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 10:27 pm


    Btw Cas, that Boons arse is one of the grimmest things I’ve seen in quite a while!!!

    May I suggest you stop starring at it then…

    • Fat Bertha 11/06/2018 at 4:04 am

      Only one of the grimmest things?

      • McG ⚽⚽ 11/06/2018 at 7:12 am

        Good point.

  • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:21 pm

    What I can’t quite figure out is how the hell is Levy supposed to get £70m+ for a defender when all a potential buyer has to do is wait six months until this clause kicks in and they can get him for £25m.

    Unless, of course, no such clause exists…

    • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:29 pm

      I believe it’s 12 months, if the clause exists.

      • UnkleTaff 10/06/2018 at 11:38 pm

        You’re right. It’s 12 months not 6. Assuming certain criteria are met.

        Isn’t it funny how the club’s statement that no such clause exists (Pochettino has also made this claim) has been completely ignored by virtually everyone reporting on the story?

        • Caspurs 10/06/2018 at 11:44 pm

          It makes the reported £50/70m fee more believable if there is no such clause, otherwise I doubt we could ask for such a sizeable fee when clubs could just wait another 12 months and spend far less.

          • ronwol196061 10/06/2018 at 11:51 pm

            Some Levity please!

            • 61SpursNut 10/06/2018 at 11:57 pm


              • Ronwol196061 11/06/2018 at 1:55 am

                You want the Levite downthe hall!!!

                • Fat Bertha 11/06/2018 at 4:08 am

                  I took my Chevi to Levi but he said the coffers were dry.

                  • McG ⚽⚽ 11/06/2018 at 7:10 am

                    Very good!! Bye bye..

  • UnkleTaff 11/06/2018 at 12:33 am

    This account of David Pleat’s tracking (and our ultimate signing) of Dele Alli is an excellent read:

    • Fat Bertha 11/06/2018 at 4:03 am

      It was an accident that befell Levy.

  • Ronwol196061 11/06/2018 at 1:56 am

    Just finishing great great 5 part series…Patrick Melrose!!!

  • McG ⚽⚽ 11/06/2018 at 7:31 am

    If Poch thinks he can knuckle down & get some consistancy, I wouldn’t object to 25 mil for Grealish. Wouldn’t go higher than that, but less of a punt than some from what I can make of him..

  • Flat Oeuf 11/06/2018 at 8:24 am

    Morning Oeufers, the excitement is building (in the very loosest sense of the term) for Unkle Taff’s World Cup Sweepstake Bloeug, which is due at around 11am this very morning.

    • 61SpursNut 11/06/2018 at 9:36 am


    • UnkleTaff 11/06/2018 at 9:38 am

      I’ll say. You could cut the tension here with a knife.

      Unfortunately Samantha (who was supposed to be hosting the draw) had to cancel at short notice (an old colonel friend of hers promised to show her his parade ground and let her inspect his privates), but fortunately Sven (resplendent in his pink lurex speedos) is on hand to fill the breach. He’s already done a wonderful job of polishing the balls and I’m sure we all can’t wait to see him pulling them out later.

      • SpurAndy 🍒 🥧 11/06/2018 at 10:15 am

        This will be one of those, ‘I’ll never forget where I was….’moments. Up there with the Kennedy assassination and the first time I saw Jonspurs.

  • DAVID 11/06/2018 at 9:34 am

    Unk has already drawn my teams, Argentina, Brazil and Germany.
    Bloody fix, how comes I always get the no hopers ?

  • UnkleTaff 11/06/2018 at 10:32 am

    …and we’re off!

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