The Boy in The Bubble
The thought occurred to me whilst having a cup of afternoon tea and tiffin that we, the football fan, live in a bubble (herein called The Bubble). Yes I hear you say, an outstanding epiphany that only Tibetan monks who have trained under the Lama could ever hope to achieve.
Allow me to digress at this point if I may but there’s a little known fact that the Dalai Lama is vegetarian. Every other day. The alternate days he eats meat. This could be why the chant ‘Om Mani Padme Hum’ was originally called Omnivore Pass me the Ham. Sorry bout that but the first bit is apparently true. Who’d have thunk it.
Anyway, back to The Bubble. This Bubble transcends all other bubbles in the known universe. Unlike other bubbles The Bubble has only one immutable law which is that the inhabitants of The Bubble (Bubblians) dictate that all members must have an overwhelming and insatiable desire for silverware in the arena of Association Football. Law (1a) goes further to state that any Bubblian not pledging complete and undying fealty to the Association Football and not sacrificing all their worldly goods is deemed to be of lower order and worthy only to have insults and oaths hurled at him/her for ever more. They are to be shunned and cursed within an inch of their miserable, pointless lives.
Bubblians have little or no understanding that total, undying, everlasting commitment to The Association Football is not a given for all who inhabit the Association Football sphere. Of course, when I say sphere I really mean 2 dimensional surface. The Bubblians expect that every last grote must be subsumed into the quest for shiny keepsakes to be admired and lasciviously leered at like Stringfellow used to with a new exotic dancer.
The reality is of course that the world and the vast majority of its denizens spins its way round the cosmos not caring a jot whether [insert name here] club has bought a new striker (who isn’t really a striker but more like a winger that inverts far too often). And even less that the fans of [insert name here] club are happy/miserable/undecided/confused as to said purchase of a striker (who isn’t really a striker but more like a winger that inverts far too often). They don’t understand or appreciate the nuances of the 3-3-1-3 formation played by Ajax in the 94/95 season. The tactical genius of the 3-6-1 formation employed by Australia under their erstwhile manager Gus Hidinck in 2006. Indeed which Bubblian can forget where they were the first time they saw the 3-6-0 lineup, otherwise known as the ‘false nine’. Ahhh, it seems like only yesterday. In fact in cosmological terms it was only yesterday, at the 2010 World Cup that old Vicente Delboy for Espanya produced that rabbit out of the hat with Cesc Fibreglass playing the false nine role to devastating effect (the little barsteward).
So there we have it. The Bubble, colonised by the fair minded, the rational, the non self-entitled. Woe betide anybody, in whatever position of power in the Association of Football who takes advantage of these righteous people by not giving all their worldly goods in the pursuit of an electro-plated, inscribed receptacle that’s of absolutely no use to man nor beast that doesn’t reside in The Bubble.